There is a Lot of conflict in the world - between politicians, minority/affiliate/religious groups and even on a personal level. My research shows that...
Two people/groups can come to Agreement on anything unless...
# 1: One person/group is trying to Extract Values from another person/group Without Exchanging Values of their own (they vehemently want control).
E.g. A guy wants a girl who will cook, clean and provide sex for him, while he stays out late with the boys and offers her nothing in return. Or the girl who Uses the guy as a source of gifts, expensive restaurant meals and the like, without anything in return. Basically, either person/group trying to Get It Over the other person/group. Even in a Controlling way. Can include Psychic Vampires.
# 2: There is a Third Party involved stirring things up. (The most common reason.)
E.g. A workmate, friend or relative making a Comment to you about your companion (husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.). And it can be subtle too. For instance...
Two office girl workmates are Chatting over lunch and one says, "My Johnny is always bringing me flowers. It shows he really cares."
The idea has now been planted. And the other girl will think her guy might be lacking in the Care Department because he doesn't bring flowers. Even if, during the lunch chat, she denies (or makes excuses why) a lack of flowers doesn't bother her. But when she is home, she might Accuse her guy of not caring. And if this is Resolved, it raises its head again after more Chats Over Coffee with the workmates.
Or the girl is chatting with her mom who remarks, "if he cared he'd buy you flowers every week" - or - "he needs to earn more money to make a better home for you / you'll never get anywhere with him working that deadend job". And now the girl feels/accuses him of not caring because of that. Or that he's not working hard enough or not striving enough or needs a better job.
To resolve this conflict is relatively easy.
Step 1 is to let the other person know about the Third Party Rule - all conflict can be resolved unless there is a Third Party involved who Promotes/Triggers the conflict. And no matter how Innocent this third party appears to be, They are the True Cause of the unresolved conflict.
Step 2 is to ASK them (the person you're in conflict with) if anyone - friend, workmate, relative, radio/tv show host, etc. - has said anything bad, has hinted at anything bad, or if they have heard anything bad... about you. And bad here can be anything Negative in any way, no matter how minor.
Armed with the knowledge of the Third Party Rule and then when asked this question, they will quickly identify the source of the Negativity. And will (should) now understand how the conflict was brought about by that other person. And can now fore-arm themselves against other Insidious Assaults into their life in the future. Most people upon discovering the Third Party simply Shun them as a way to keep their Negativity out of their life.
Something to keep in mind when locating this Third Party. There might be a tendency to be in denial about Them being the Culprit. If for no other reason than it seem so hard to believe that this Person is ultimately the Cause of the Trouble. But if you Think about it, you will see they Are the Cause of the Trouble.
A quick word about Lawyers here. If you go to a Lawyer to Resolve your Problem, no matter which side you are on you will be told... "You'll win." Why? Because if you don't hear those words you'll go to another lawyer who will tell you - and you'll keep going to lawyers until you find one who'll tell you those magic words you long to hear. Why do they say that? Because having clients is how they make their money - and the longer you are a client and the longer you are paying them, the more money they make. So it is in Their Interest to string the Conflict out as long as possible.
A relative of mine is a Troublemaker at work. A union troublemaker. And just when it would seem he and management had come to agreement on something, there'd be more trouble coming from him. What management didn't know was... he would get home at night and talk to his wife who would Gee Him Up and the next day he'd be at them again. We used to say, his wife made the bullets and he fired them. His wife was the Hidden Third Party.
Once, a few people at work made commented to me about something - a negative something. So I simply asked them, "Where did you hear that?" And then asked that person where They had heard it. I Very Quickly discovered the culprit (and slyly asked them if they had Heard of this thing about me, as a test to see their reaction - they denied hearing it but said they knew who Would have started it - caught out!). Later, when I Outed Them, I did it in front of many of the co-workers who had heard his venom. And told him to Stop spreading lies about me and telling people things about me that just aren't true. I did it this way so my coworkers could all see He was the Source of what they had heard. I could have just as easily handled it all silently with each person - confronting him and revealing the truth to the others as I came across them during the day - but knew he'd either not stop, or would change tact. This way, Everyone knew his tricks. (Yes, I probably made myself a Visceral Opponent, but so be it - why should I care about him when he was trying to bring me done.)
Just remember, the third party is always there. They are not obvious as the culprit. It could be a coworker, friend, relative, tv/radio show host, trashy magazine columnist, leader of your Affinity/Religious/Minority Group, etc. And you might find it too incredible to accept it is them but if you Think about it you will discover it is the case.
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